Happy Time for the Koopalings
by CosmicKitten89
Summary: My first M-rated Koopaling fanfic. Each chapter is a one-shot featuring a dirty private moment for one of the Koopalings.  Cover art courtesy of Treacle Parcheesi.
1. Larry's Soreness

"Are you done yet?" Larry asked.

"Hold your horses, genetic engineering takes time!" shouted Ludwig.

Larry tapped his foot and rubbed his crotch. He stopped just in time for Ludwig to pop out of his lab.

"Here it is! A Piranha plant that blows for you!"

Larry pulled his member out and placed it into the plant's mouth. He sighed as he felt the Piranha's fat lips begin to blow him…

"YEEOOWCH! LUDWIG! I THOUGHT YOU MADE A DICK-SUCKING PIRANHA PLANT!"

Ludwig laughed. "Well, silly me for forgetting to breed out the teeth!"

"Not funny! I demand my money back for this!"

"Well maybe if you hadn't have rushed me…"

Larry took the piranha plant back to his room. He lay on his cum-stained pillow, staring up at the pictures of hot girls, some Koopa, some human, some of other species. Normally he spend hours masturbating to them, but his cock was too sore now from being bitten.

What he needed was a nice blowjob from a piranha plant that was genetically engineered to have aloe sap for saliva, and large, tight but gentle lips, both of which he had requested of Ludwig to breed into the plant, but also to be toothless…

_Wait a minute_, he thought. _Why don't I just yank the teeth out myself?_

Larry dug through his messy drawers for a pair of plyers and squeezed the plant at the stem (it was also bred to be thornless). The Piranha gagged, opening its mouth wide, and Larry jammed a dildo into its mouth to hold it open. He then began to yank its teeth out, one by one, placing them on his dresser with the hopes of making a Piranha teeth necklace.

He noticed that, like a shark, this plant still had several budding teeth erupting on the edges of the sockets where the teeth in current use had been. If the Piranha blowed him tight enough, he would be able to feel them. It wouldn't be painful, he figured; it might even feel kind of good. But not while his cock was sore with tooth marks.

He noticed that the teeth were not made of calcium hydroxyapatite, like Koopa and human teeth were, but of hardened cellulose, like jagged, spade-shaped thorns made of the hardest, most polished wood.

_In that case_, he thought, _a little fire should work._

He got out a welding torch that he sometimes used for forging coins or for lighting bowls of marijuana. He turned it on, and carefully set the Piranha's gums on fire.

He then took his spray bottle that he kept for his piranha plants and sprayed inside its mouth to prevent the entire plant-creature from burning away.

He checked the gums. They were blackened and ashy, all the way down to the deepest roots. They would probably never grow teeth again. _Or maybe they would,_ thought Larry, aware of how resilient Piranha plants were, _but not for a loooong while_.

He shoved his cock between its flame-chapped lips.

_Aaahhh_… the slippery aloe sap not only soothed him but made for an awesome lubricant.

The Piranha plant sucked on him like a young mammal sucking on its mother's teat.

The plant made him cum, but not too soon. It seemed to like the cum, and to be thirsty for more. Perhaps Ludwig designed it that way.

_Next time, I'll pay him to make me a Piranha weed for me to smoke_, he thought.


	2. Morton Rocks and Rolls All Night

Morton was trying to sleep, but it was difficult because Larry was banging around and moaning in the bedroom next to his.

Despite his habit of listening to very loud music, Morton was very sensitive to sounds and sensations that he found annoying, especially if they were relatively quiet.

Morton got up and screamed. _Let's see how he likes to be kept up all night,_ he thought.

Morton got out his favorite KISS CD, the one that had "Rock and Roll All Night" on it, and put it in the boom box. The loud rock music drowned out Larry's annoying masturbatory noises.

Morton got out his favorite electric guitar, a black guitar with white stars on it that he named "Stella", and started hopping around with it. He was hopping on one leg, howling, his guitar held underneath his crotch, when he accidentally banged his crotch with it.

_Hmm, that feels good._

Morton hopped around, banging the guitar against his crotch, getting pre-cum all over it.

_Now this is the way to jack OFF!_

Morton sat on top of the guitar and started riding it like a hobby horse. He began to imagine that he was riding a sexy woman.

_Stella…_

His erection came at last, and he cummed onto the guitar strings.

The wet guitar strings shocked Morton's penis.

"OWWW!" But at the same time, it felt rather good.

Morton tried to shock himself again, but it appeared that the guitar had shorted out.

_Aww, man…_ Morton thought about doing it again with one of his other guitars, but it suddenly seemed like adultery to do with another guitar what he had been doing with Stella.

Stella is now injured… Morton shed a tear, which he quickly wiped up before it could drop onto Stella.

Well, I guess I could have Ludwig fix her later…

Morton turned the music off (his ears were by now ringing with KISS music so that he could no longer hear what Larry was up to) and crawled back into bed, this time bringing Stella under covers with him.

"It's OK, Stellie… We'll have you all better tomorrow…"

Morton rolled over and humped on Stella. He rubbed the strings against his dick, rhythmically, until he cummed all over it again.

Morton smooched each of the frets all the way up Stella's neck until he got to the head, where he kissed each of the machine heads before proceeding to roll around with "her" some more.


	3. Wendy's Jacuzzi Fantasy

"King Daddy, I wanna date Charlie!" Wendy demanded, referring to one of her father's golf buddies.

"But Princess, Charlie is dating Plum!" said Bowser.

"I DON'T CARE! I WANNA DATE HIM!"

Bowser sighed. Wendy was always asking him to force celebrities to date her, and quite often it didn't work.

"I'll see what I can do…"

Wendy put on her itsy bitsy teeny weeny white-on-pink polka-dot bikini and retreated to the private Jacuzzi that her father built in one of the castle's dungeons. It was surrounded by frosty glass that gave it the appearance of an ice palace, which only added to the ambience.

Wendy closed the glass door and turned on the bubbles. She brought pool toys with her – a water noodle and a Bowser-head inner tube that Bowser Junior usually used. She threw the stuff into the pool and eased herself in. It felt hot at first, almost too hot, but in a minute the heat became soothing.

Wendy was almost lulled to sleep by the heat. Her mind turned to dreamy thoughts, and the noodle started to look like a huge dick.

Wendy put the noodle between her legs and rubbed the length of it up and down her clitoris. Her head buzzed with the sensation of happy, and she rubbed it faster and faster until it chafed.

Wendy let go of the noodle and turned around to see what she found to be a cute, handsome face floating in the water. The spiky brown hair and those dark, defined, kissable lips…

Wendy grabbed the inner tube and smooched it on the face, wrapping her tail around the ring part. She then got on top of it and started bouncing up and down on the head, snarling with fierce pleasure every time she banged her clit into it, and making believe she was whipping a chained Charlie.

Wendy was wet and excited. Her clit came, and was now past pleasurable stimulation, but her vagina was still yearning. She needed penetration.

She angrily squeezed the inner tube, screaming, " I demand that you fuck me RIGHT NOW!"

Wendy shoved her crotch to the bubble jet just when it was about to turn on.

The jet of hot water jammed inside her and the hot "cum" rocked Wendy's body electric, so hard that she saw electric stars spark in her eyes. There was no painful tearing of hymen, for she had lost her virginity ages ago.

Wendy rather missed that first moment of pain, back when her on-and-off again BF Boom Boom claimed her virginity. She rather liked pain to contrast against and set off the pleasure.

Wendy banged her crotch into the concrete surface of the side of the pool. She banged it harder and harder, fighting the pressure of the hot water jet, banged it faster and faster, until the jet of water felt like it was tearing her uterus apart.

Wendy screamed. Her shrieking was almost glass shattering; cracks appeared in the now steam-frosted glass walls. The sound at first sounded rough and painful, rather like a woman in labor, but after several seconds it evolved into a call of climactic delight.

Wendy pulled her crotch away from the jet and the water, mixed with her cum, burst out in an orgasmic aftershock.

Wendy panted and panted. She gazed dreamily into the eyes of the inner tube, distantly aware that it was not Charlie, but not really caring.

Bowser opened the glass door and was surprised to see Wendy in there.

Wendy looked blissful – perhaps too blissful. But her father didn't seem to notice.

"Sweetums? Um, well, sorry, I tried getting Charlie to agree to date you… and he responded by hitting me with a golf club… in a very painful spot… I need a private moment in the Jacuzzi, if you don't mind."

Wendy perked up, widened her eyes in shock and disgust, and ran out of the Jacuzzi, snickering.


	4. Iggy Loses Control with the Rubber

**OK, last year, I took a community college chemistry class, and it was sooo easy… well, to be honest, the only thing I learned in that class all semester was the definition of the rubber object mentioned in this chapter…**

Ludwig was teaching Iggy about lab equipment.

"What's that?"

"A beaker."

"What's that?"

"An Erlenmeyer flask."

"What's that?"

"A rubber policeman."

Meanwhile, Larry was listening in on them, and he perked up at the mention of "rubber", and smirked at the mention of "policeman".

_Sounds like Ludwig is creating some NAUGHTY stuff in there!_

Larry knocked on the lab door.

Ludwig grunted with reluctance as he answered the door.

"Umm, Ludwig, do you mind if I borrow your, uh, rubber policeman?"

"Larry? What use could you possibly have for my lab equipment?"

"Lab equipment? Aww, is that what it is?"

"What, did you think it was, a sex toy?"

Ludwig took the rubber policeman and showed it to Larry. It looked like a small spatula with a firm tip of black rubber. Larry held it, fingered it, squeezed the rubber part, and squinted his beady eyes at it.

"Oh, the things I could do with this…"

"If I have to sterilize that, then I am going to be one MAD scientist!" shouted Ludwig. Larry sulked and handed it back.

Meanwhile, Iggy had been thinking about the rubber policeman. What exactly _had_ Larry been planning to do with it?

Iggy helped Ludwig with his experiments for another hour before Ludwig decided that he wanted to retreat to the tower where he kept his musical instruments.

"Iggy, would you like to practice pipe organ with me?"

Iggy screamed.

Ludwig sighed. Iggy wasn't taking to music like he hoped he would. He only seemed to be interested in science and invention.

Luckily for Iggy, Ludwig was becoming more trusting of him, even allowing him to work in the lab unsupervised.

Once Ludwig left, Iggy turned off the light. Thanks to his drug-widened pupils, he was overly sensitive to light. The phosphorescence of the glow-in-the-dark planets and stars stickers that young Kooky stuck all over the lab walls when he was little was all that Iggy needed to see.

He reached for the rubber policeman. He hunched over it, stroking his fingers up and down the length of it, pressing the rubber tip to his lips.

He jumped at an unexpected noise.

It was just Junior being a brat and whining to Wendy about something or other outside the lab.

Iggy scratched his head, wondering where to put it. He stretched open his eyelid, scraped the rubber around the edge, pushed against the eyeball, then stopped when it began to hurt.

He then placed the rubber up his nostril. He twisted it around in there, tingling from how good it felt, until he made himself sneeze.

Iggy loved sneezing. Even as a young child, he would spend hours sticking objects up his nose to make himself sneeze on purpose. He sneezed the rubber out a few more times before finding another orifice to explore.

He stuck the rubber down his throat. He didn't like this feeling; it reminded him of when the doctor stuck the tongue depressor down his throat. He went to a mirror and used it to play around with his uvula for a bit – at least until he made himself throw up.

Iggy brought the policeman down to his penis. He rubbed the tip of it with the rubber. It felt kind of good, like a cross between being tickled and having to pee, but in a good way, and he tickled himself down there for a bit. His cock hardened, and he brought the rubber tip down to his anus.

It hurt a bit when he tried to jam it up the tight-closed butthole. He squeezed his abdomen in an attempt to collect enough gas in his rectum to build up a fart…

Iggy stuck the rubber policeman up his gaping, flatulent anus. When it tightened again, he felt the surprise of having what felt like a turd suddenly in there.

Iggy made believe he was pooping, squeezing his rectum rhythmically while he stuck the rubber deeper in there. For some reason, doing this was making his cock harden.

Iggy then began to twist the rubber around. It chafed the walls of his rectum, but it made his cock harden for some reason.

Iggy pulled it out (which chafed even more, especially since his asshole was tight closed around it) and tickled his hard cock with it. The cock dribbled pre-cum all over the rubber policeman, thus lubricating it.

Iggy jammed it back up his butt. It slid easily up his tight anus. He then began to twist it around.

He loved the slippery feel, the way the rubber squished and stretched around in his rectum, and he rhythmically tightened and loosened his rectum over it.

This was all exciting his cock somehow. Iggy's erect member stretched and pointed upwards and spew a burst of cum-spray.

Iggy laughed in delight. The only problem was that he couldn't twist the rubber policeman around fast enough. He wanted it to twirl around in his rectum as fast as an electric drill.

Iggy rummaged manically through the lab until he encountered Ludwig's old power drill. He removed the drill bit and fixed the rubber policeman to it. He then fastened some wires to the drill motor and wired it up to a computer, which he then programmed to operate the drill by voice recognition.

He dipped the rubber into glycerin for lubrication and stuck it back up his ass. He asked the computer to spin it around at 1 rotation per second, then 10, then 20, then 50, then 100, attempting to find the angular velocity that felt best in his rectum.

It felt sweet for a while, but it then turned out that the drill did not have sufficient torque to overcome the tightness of Iggy's ass.

Iggy knew how to fix the motor to increase its torque. He had also pondering, what could possibly make the experience of a high-velocity rubber drill in the ass even more exciting…

ELECTRICITY!

Iggy went into a fever building the twisted contraption that had popped into his twisted head.

…

Iggy had himself strapped by an arm-restraining straitjacket to a table, with a network of electrodes wrapped around his cock and the drill, now fitted with its own computer chip, an auto-lubricator, and a high-torque motor, shoved up his rectum. He commanded the drill to twirl it around in his ass at 10,000 RPM.

Iggy laughed and tossed his body around like a flailing worm. The electrodes sent pulses through his cock at all the right moments. He had programmed the computer in the gadget to vary the angular velocity at which the motor twirls at random intervals so that it would always keep him guessing and excited…

At the exact moment that he hit climax, the electrodes sent a massive shock, just below the pain threshold, through his penis, causing it to burst out an aerosol of semen.

Iggy cheered, his brain wired by electric bliss.

He had also programmed the electrodes to hasten his refractory period so that he could cum again sooner.

"Good morning, Iggy. Judging by your laughter, you must have made something fantastic today!"

Iggy panicked at Ludwig's voice. He tried to undo the straitjacket that he had wrapped himself in, but since his limbs were all restrained it was a feat that required a Houdini to accomplish.

Iggy commanded the machine to turn off and stretched and hid his panic with laughter, hoping that Ludwig would not guess what he was doing or what this machine was designed to do.


	5. Roy's Plastic Bitch

**Oh, I forgot to disclaim this story: I own nothing.**

Bowser was at the mall with his kids. Roy was not having a good time.

"Why are we going clothes and shoe shopping? We never wear clothes or shoes! King Dad, can I go to the athletic store?"

"NO! YOU STAY WITH THE GROUP SO I DON'T LOSE YOU ALL!"

Roy cursed under his breath. He was old enough to look after himself, for crap's sake! He punched down some mannequins and threw a few bras around.

Larry removed a bra from a female torso mannequin to see its tits, but was disappointed in the anatomical incorrectness.

"Aww, no nipples?"

Wendy removed a pair of boxers from a male torso mannequin. "No dick!"

Roy at last decided that he wanted something at that store.

"I want this!" he said, pointing to a female torso mannequin with a bra and a thong on.

Ludwig stared thoughtfully at the mannequin. "You want a bra?"

"No, you kook! The mannequin!"

Ludwig gazed cynically at Roy. "What for?"

"Well, hehe, not like you would understand…"

"Roy, I can understand quantum mechanics, vector calculus, molecular dynamics, and a whole slew of other things that you can't understand."

"Hehe, well this ain't shit you can see in schoolbooks…"

Ludwig sighed and turned to his father. "When are we leaving this store?"

"Right now, actually," said Bowser. "Next stop is Foot Locker."

"F-F-F-F-Foot Locker?" Lemmy asked, his face blanched in fear at the name.

"Ha ha, Foot Locker is where they lock your feetsies up and keep you trapped there forever!" said Roy.

"B-b-b-but then what happens to us?" asked Iggy.

"Well, haha, you end up like one of thems." Roy pointed to a mannequin.

Scared by the mannequin's lack of limbs, Iggy and Lemmy screamed. "NOOOO! WE DON'T WANNA GO TO FOOT LOCKER! WE DON'T WANT THEM TO LOCK OUR FEET UP!"

"SHUT UP, WE ARE GOING ANYWAY!" roared Bowser.

Roy took the commotion as an opportunity to take off with the mannequin. He brought the mannequin to the dressing room.

"Sir, you're not supposed to bring the mannequin in the dressing room…"

Roy knocked the lights out of the guy that was in charge of the dressing room and took the key to open up a stall for him.

He placed the mannequin on the seat inside the stall and turned it around so that its perfectly-sculpted ass was facing him. He pulled the thong up to expose the ass cheeks more.

Roy's dick, the size of which he was immensively proud of, began to harden.

He fingered the mannequin's ass, only to feel that it lacked a vagina or an anus.

Well, this simply wouldn't do. Roy took out a Swiss army knife, pulled out the corkscrew, and skewered out a hole where the vagina should have been.

Roy pulled his dick out and rubbed it a bit to get himself ready to rape this plastic bitch.

He leaped onto the seat and fell on top of the mannequin, falling to the floor with it, and stuck his dick inside the hole.

He waggled his dick around inside the hole, making it bigger, while he humped the mannequin. Despite its hardness, he was enjoying it.

He came all over the mannequin's ass, and ripped the thong off. He turned her around, tied it around the waist, and ripped the bra off to use to strangle its stub of a neck.

He punched it a few times, imagining that the plastic cracks he was making were cracking ribs, and he took the Swiss army knife out again to create a few scars with it.

He cut out the phrase "ROY'Z BITCH" into one of her boobs.

Somehow, seeing a torso, just a pure, sexy torso, without arms or legs to get in the way or a head to disapprove of the way he was treating her, turned him on. He was even more turned on by the injury and ripped, wet, strangling clothing. Roy stood there and stared at it, trying to find out how long he could resist his urges.

Not long. This was Roy, after all.

His baser animal instincts threw his body at the torso and he banged it, cumming all over it in an attempt to make every square inch of it wet, scraping out a new hole with his dick, clawing it, ground-pounding it, stomping on it, until it was no longer recognizable as a likeness of a woman.

Meanwhile, Bowser was returning to the store that Roy was at. Iggy was clinging to his daddy's leg, crying about losing his glasses (which he had in fact lost on purpose so that Bowser would have to go back to find them instead of staying at the dreaded Foot Locker).

"Goddamit, Iggy! Where do you last remember losing your glasses?"

"I don't KNOW!"

"Maybe in that mess you made with the mannequins?"

"That was Roy who was punching all those mannequins," said Lemmy.

"Roy? Goddamit Roy, get your ass over here!"

Bowser looked around at his children, and just then realized that Roy wasn't among them.

"ROY! I'M GONNA KILL THAT SON OF A BITCH!"


	6. Lemmy Loves His Ball

Lemmy woke up and stretched one morning on the top bunk.

"Good morning, Iggy."

But Iggy was already gone from his bottom bunk. He had probably been working with Ludwig in the lab all night, perhaps even planning on making it his bedroom.

Lemmy sighed. He and Iggy were twin brothers, and very close twin brothers at that, but ever since Iggy suddenly turned out to be a demented genius instead of just plain demented (probably as a result of Ludwig's Geniusificator), he had been spending more and more time with Ludwig and less and less time with Lemmy. Lemmy was all alone much of the time, with only his ball for company.

He hopped out of bed, sat down next to his ball, and hugged it.

_My ball… my only friend…_

Lemmy hopped on top of the ball and bounced on it while hugging it. He particularly liked the way it felt when he bumped his crotch to it. He humped the ball faster and faster, until his cock extended.

Lemmy remembered how Iggy and him used to play with each other's cocks whenever their siblings or King Daddy weren't around, for Bowser yelled at them whenever he caught them doing that with each other or even with themselves, and their siblings teased and tattled on them. It didn't feel as good when he touched his own; since one can't tickle oneself, perhaps the same applies with touching one's happy zone?

It sort of felt like someone else was touching it, however, when he rubbed his cock back and forth on the ball. He waggled it as tightly against the ball as he could. The tighter he rubbed it, the better it felt, except for the friction that chafed it.

But then his cock started to dribble like it was peeing, except Lemmy didn't have to go pee, so it must have been some other kind of bodily fluid. It made the ball all slippery and his cock all moist, so now it felt even better.

Lemmy rolled over the ball onto his back. He bounced the ball up into the air with his cock repeatedly. But as he grew hornier, it became harder and harder to resist jumping back onto the ball to press his cock harder into it.

Lemmy got back on the ball and thrusted his cock repeatedly into it, more and more vigorously, almost uncontrollably, like it was trying to poke a hole in the ball. Lemmy loved the pressure of the ball against his cock. Some instinctive part of his brain was making him imagine how good it would feel if there was a hole in the ball… a hole that would squeeze his cock tightly, how sublime that would feel…

Lemmy's cock felt a jet of air blowing on it. The breeze felt good, and it was coming out of a hole.

Lemmy fought the pressure to jam his cock into the hole. It ejaculated, and the cum was blow backwards

Lemmy bounced happily up and down on the ball; the air blew harder when he landed on the ball.

But then the air pressure began to get weaker, and weaker…

Lemmy got up and removed his cock from the inside of an empty, deflated ball.

Lemmy cried. He wiped his face with what remained of his ball.

"My ball! WHAT HAVE I DONE?"

Iggy burst into the room for one second and then ran out (he had a habit of bursting into all the rooms of the castle for split-second intervals).

He burst into the room again, aware that something had saddened his twin brother.

"Lemmy? What's the matter?"

"My ball…"

Iggy grabbed the deflated ball, looked at it, scratched his head for a split second, then burst into a fit of giggles and ran out of the room.

In mere minutes, he ran back with the ball reinflated and good as new.

"It's stronger than ever now, so it won't break when you play with it!" said Iggy, winking at Lemmy.

"Thank you!" Lemmy hugged Iggy, who hugged him back for a split second before screaming randomly and running back out to the lab.

Lemmy could not even tell where the hole in the ball had been. He humped on it and ran his slippery cock over it, thinking fondly of his beloved brother who fixed it for him.


	7. Ludwig's Creative Process

**Yup, I went in the order that you fight them in SMB3 and saved the best (Ludwig) for last! :D**

Ludwig was in bliss.

He was listening to one of the most beautiful, operatic melodies he had ever heard.

_What brilliant, godlike mind is behind this?_ he wondered. He sang along to the music, trying to capture it in his head but it was difficult because his mind was hazy with dreamlike rapture. It was a rapture of the soul, but his body was fast becoming taken by it. The physical manifestation of this soul-rapture exploded first in his heart, then it shot up to the crown of his head, then it shot down to his loins…

Ludwig woke up and saw that he came all over his Austrian linen sheets.

Ludwig grunted. How embarrassing that an intellectual demigod such as himself should nevertheless still have carnal urges. To be true, he wasn't attracted to girls in the same way that his brothers were, but whenever he encountered one of great intellect, such as his own girlfriend Karma **(not the Karma that you're thinking – read my profile for explanation**), he experienced to the same hardening of the prostate that his brothers called a "boner" and experienced whenever they saw a big pair of tits.

But Ludwig kept himself under tight control. His relationship with Karma was practically platonic, except for occasional fondling and kissing. He made a promise of purity, of no sex before marriage – not for religious reasons, but because it was the gentlemanly thing to do – and he wasn't planning on marriage until he became King.

_An awful long time to wait_, the voice of his id said in the back of his mind.

_Well, maybe I can just wait until after I earn my Ph. D…_

Ludwig was loath to admit it to himself, but he also got boners whenever he first listened to a magnificent piece of music, or read an incredibly insightful and eloquent novel, or thought about an elegant mathematical or scientific theory, or studied the workings of a fantastic invention…

Sometimes, he had to admit, although the feeling was often drowned out by the intensity of his own thoughts, his own work even gave himself a boner. These moments were usually marked by crazed, impossible-to-imitate giggling.

Did this mean he was kind of… in _love_ with himself?

Ludwig fought back these thoughts and concentrated on the music that he was trying to remember from his dream. It would have helped if he were still in a dreamy state of mind, but having had a good night's sleep for once had made him fresh and alert – more in the state of mind to do routine lab work or to go on an adventure somewhere than for doing creative work.

_Maybe the music didn't really exist_, he thought. _Maybe I was just having a wet dream and the music was just a feeling, and I only imagined that it was music…_

Ludwig climbed the lengthy flight of stairs up to his music room, and began to play on his piano a melody that he came up with on the spot; one that expressed disillusionment and disappointment.

"I shall call this piece Waking Away from Dreams" he murmured.

Ludwig captured the moment in his head – himself, up in a dark and spacious tower, lonely, misunderstood and brilliant, playing piano to the melody of his heart, composing a song instantly, then, in a solemn posture and a solemn voice, naming it… a profound name at that… and then imagining in his head how it all looked…

A picture perfect scene, fit for an art movie. A chill of thrill tingled in his head and shivered right down to his loins…

Ludwig ejaculated all over the lacquered mahogany piano seat, ruining the varnish.

Ludwig swore in German. Apparently his body needed sexual management. Repressing his horniness for so long has resulted in several uncontrollable, embarrassing incidents in which his siblings and even his schoolmates questioned his toilet training. Maybe it was time he stopped being a prude and give in to carnal delight for once.

_But how… what is the best way to… ugh, dare I think it… masturbate…_

_Not on my instruments_, he thought. He had no desire to disrespect and ruin the finely crafted musical instruments that he used. _Maybe I could do it to an instrument that's a piece of junk… But then, wouldn't that be the masturbatory equivalent of engaging in sexual intercourse with a harlot as opposed to my own wife? _

In frustration, he ran to his pipe organ and pressed the keys as hard as he could, resulting in a sound that vibrated through the entire tower, his body included. He harmonized his rich, resonant voice with the note.

_Yesss…_ that was just what he needed. But it would be better if the sound were directed at his genitals…

Guided by his instincts, all higher reasoning momentarily disabled, Ludwig climbed on top of the pipe organ and stuck his penis inside one of the pipes.

_NOTHING COMING OUT!_ Ludwig could not reach the keys to make the pleasuring sound come out of the pipes!

He then remembered that he had programmed the pipe organ with a computer to make it play automatically. He got down to turn the switch on and then climbed up to the highest and lowest-sounding of the pipes.

Ludwig looked forward to the sound to come out of that deepest pipe, the same way he as a little kid (and sometimes even now as an older adolescent) looked forward to eating yummy Milka chocolate bars.

Ludwig felt, almost heard, the sound with his dick. It felt low and rich, and for such a dirty act it felt so… _sophisticated._

But then the feeling awakened in him a sense of déjà vu. Was that the operatic melody of his dreams that was playing in his mind?

Ludwig hopped onto one of the other pipes to feel how the higher notes felt. The loftier notes felt just as good, but in a different way… and the song was becoming clearer in his memory!

Ludwig hopped on each of the pipes in turn until he was on the shortest and highest pipe. It didn't feel dirty at all. It was just like sampling fine chocolates and wine. He had the feeling that the highest note was going to cause him to climax…

The song! He succeeded at pulling the entire work of subconscious genius from the depths of his subconscious!

The thrill of this thought, plus the high note from the pipe organ that sounded in harmony with the lucid tenor of his mind, caused him to climax, a divine feeling that shivered from his loins up to his brain, and squirt semen all over the inside of the short pipe.

He had just sullied his prized pipe organ, and now he was going to have to clean it, but at the moment he didn't care. He was in a fever of passion, fired by orgasmic rush.

_Why haven't I thought of this before_? Ludwig thought. _Exploiting my base drives to drive my weary body into performing the perspiration required to realize the genius of my tireless mind's inspiration!_

Perhaps this wet feeling of thrill that was new to him could inspire him with lyrics for his song?

_I will make it an opera_, he thought. _An opera of climactic proportions_.

Ludwig wanted to invent something to stimulate orgasm, but right now he was in music mode. He played the melody on the piano, programmed it play that song automatically, and then opened the piano and hopped in to lay tummy-down over the strings, his cock pressed between a few of them.

Ludwig reveled in the stimulation of the strings as they vibrated and began to sing, in German, the first words that came to his mind in response to the music and genital stimulation.

_What is this?_

_What is this?_

_This feeling that quakes through my carnage?_

_The body_

_Feels pure pleasure_

_Of such intensity that the mind feels shame…_

_But when shame melts _

_There is nothing but pleasure!_

_PLEASURE!_

_I only see something I love_

_Hear something I love,_

_And my loins, the area_

_Of the second chakra_

_Harden full of fluid_

_And want to burst…_

_For all the others, they burst for others' carnage_

_But as for I, what pleasures the mind_

_Also pleasures my body_

_And my body is most impressed_

_And turned on by I…_

_For what woman could possibly be_

_As perfect as I…._

_My melodies_

_That I come up with during my rare periods of slumber_

_Are beyond any language to describe…_

_Overpowering brilliance…_

_I and the sleeping me, perfect bedmates…_

_For the ideas by that, my other self, the only one whose brilliance outshines my own…_

_Chilling…_

_Thrilling…_

_Beyond any pure carnal experience_

_It is that which makes meeeee…._

_CUUUUUUUMMMMMM!_

It was at that climactic finale that Ludwig cummed all over the inside of the piano.

He heard his hot heart beating from the heat of that dually passionate moment. His head flooded with more brilliance.

He walked around, composing dirty, vulgar lyrics in his head for the opera in German, Italian, French, Latin, even Flemish, Basque, and Catalan (but not Spanish, for Larry knew quite a few dirty words in Spanish). It was not his style, but he had the sudden idea of making it his own personal joke on his family. He would sing it for his family (who would be obliged to watch and listen) and they would think it was boring and not understand the mixed languages the lyrics were written in, or even that it was written in mixed languages. He laughed at the thought of his family assuming that those dirty, dirty words were fine, fancy words just because they couldn't understand them.

…

Ludwig smirked, thinking about how much his family, especially Larry, would get a kick out of his opera for once if they understood the lyrics.

He got everything ready behind the fancy gilded red velvet curtain that he hung up for the occasion. He dressed up in an outfit that resembled the Pope's, and he nailed a doll of himself to a small wooden cross. He had painted the walls of the ballroom to resemble the Sistine Chapel for the occasion, using cheap, washable paint. He had arranged an entire orchestra of over 50 different instruments, all of which were programmed to auto-play the part he had arranged. He had named it _Le Opera D'Erotissimo_ (The Erotic Opera), knowing that his siblings and father would not catch on.

As the curtains opened, his siblings laughed at his outfit, but the rest of what he did weirded them out. He grabbed the small cross with the Ludwig doll on it and ripped the nails out of its hands and went through the motions of baptizing it. They did not understand the subtle sexual symbols in the opera, nor did they catch the erection that was showing through his robes.

Mostly, his siblings were just bored. Ludwig dragged the opera on for over three hours. Wendy threw a fit and screamed, Iggy and Lemmy got bored and jibber-jabbered to each other, Roy fell asleep, Morton ranted about how stupid the opera was to himself, and Larry played his video game. Bowser and Junior pretended to pay attention, but Bowser eventually failed to stifle a yawn, and Junior imitated him.

When it finally ended, Ludwig got a halfhearted applause from his family.

"Um, that was kind of lame," said Larry. "By the way, what language was it in?"

"Um, Esperanto."

"Hmm, I never heard of that language."

Ludwig wondered if some deep subconscious part of Larry's horny mind understood everything in the opera.


End file.
